Nightmares of tech past

Every time I think a proper job would be nice again...

I remember a grey slab I was issued by the tech quartermasters when I started my last proper job, packed with software designed to process ideas and thoughts into grey, bullet-pointed entropy. Then I was given a "smart" phone to match. A phone so bad, it allegedly destroyed the electronics in one of my colleagues' car when he plugged it into to its USB port.

...something reminds me why it wouldn't.